I Asked My Tinder Matches THIS Question and Their Answers Surprised Me

This post is for all y’all transitioning from divorce to dating. And it’s also for those looking for a bit of entertainment… 😂

Alright, so you may or may not remember the time I eloped. TBH, not many people do…

Exhibit A.

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Exhibit B.

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Alright, I get it! Y’all forgot! Probably because it was extremely short-lived and every time someone said ‘Congratulations!‘ I wanted to hurl be like…uh, for what?

I don’t regret it but I’ll be the first to say it was a mistake. Like, attempting to cut your own bangs or sharing highly personal information on the internet! Oh, wait… Whoopsie!

To me, marriage is not a big deal. It’s not an accomplishment. It’s not something you should aspire to do just because. But, I realize not everyone agrees with me on that.

And it’s a huge deal to some people.

So, as I dove back into the dating world (Lord, help me), I was curious what guys would think about dating a soon-to-be divorcée (I’m still technically married on paper but literally that’s the extent of the relationship).

I embarked on this social experiment because so many friends have asked me if I’m going to tell these dudes about my situation. I’ve thought about it myself…like, I’m not technically divorced yet so how do I bring that up? Like, at the end of a date should I say, “Surprise! You just went on a date with a married woman!”?

😂

Probably not. So, I decided to ask these guys straight up and their answers (pleasantly!) surprised me!

First, there was Noah.

He’d been burned before and was a bit cautious about the whole thing…but he seemed to get over it relatively quickly.

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Then there was Cody.

His opening line was lacking but he ended up asking a lot of questions which led to a great conversation.

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He proceeded to ask what kind of ceremony I had, what my parents thought about the divorce, etc. He seemed very intrigued by it all and ended up asking me to dinner by the end of it. 😂 Dinner is pending, as is my divorce.

Adam was next.

Though it was something he’d never considered, he seemed extremely unbothered by it.

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Andrew didn’t seem to care much either.

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Never, Andrew. The answer is never.

Now, Duncan.

He was the first to give me the answer I had honestly expected more of…

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Granted, he did change his perspective when I expanded on my current situation…

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Honestly, I was expecting an “oh hell no” somewhere peppered in these responses, but nothing! These guys truly surprised me!

I then “met” Brendan and asked him the same question. His answers were long and thoughtful, and my favorite. It was no surprise to find out he’s a fellow writer.

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Isn’t Brendan the best? I mean that flower comparison, come on!!

So, there ya have it! If you’re going through a divorce, don’t worry what others will think. I figured guys would unmatch me after getting this question (some might’ve, I didn’t notice), but I really enjoyed reading their answers! Granted, some didn’t reply at all…probably afraid of why I’d asked. 😂

Disclaimer: I’m not coming out of a long marriage with tons of baggage (no kids, well, no dogs in my case, etc. etc.) but even if I were, in Adam’s words, “Everyone’s an adult, we all have a part. Past.”

Thoughts? Comment below!

Spread kindness and cheer, xo
Jackie

Thursday’s Thoughts: Marriage

Thursday’s Thoughts: Marriage

Update: This piece was featured on Thought Catalog! Click here to share!


Planning a wedding was something I never dreamed about. I never spent days as a youngster pining over what my dress would look like or where my wedding would be or WHO, if anyone, I would actually be marrying. Marriage just isn’t on my list of things to do before I inevitably croak. Partially because I have never wanted kids (still don’t) and so I’m like, what’s the point and, also, I would just absolutely hate a huge, crazy wedding. And yet as I approach my mid-twenties and find friends getting engaged and married, I’ve found myself thinking about the big M.

And while a lot of folks have lists of things they NEED for a wedding, I present to you a list of things I absolutely don’t want if and when I say, ‘I do.’

1. I don’t want a diamond ring.

A princess-cut diamond ring doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m not a cookie cutter kind of a girl (though I do LOVE cookies) and a big, fat diamond isn’t going to make me happy. The fact that men are encouraged to spend thousands on a ring is absurd. Did y’all hear about the guy who proposed with his wisdom tooth set in a ring?! That shit is my jam. I think that’s amazing. I’m not saying I want my future fiancé to yank a tooth just for me…but I think it’d be nice to have something more meaningful. A ring to look at and know that it couldn’t have been given to me by anyone else. Something symbolic and quirky. The size of the ring does not equal the size of the love.

2. I don’t want a public engagement.

Let me re-phrase. I do want people to know we’re engaged, I just don’t want to be proposed to in front of others. I think it’s utterly unromantic. Pop the question in bed, without a ring, just spur of the moment.

3. I don’t want your last name.

A marriage is an equal partnership. You fell in love with me, not my name (hopefully). So it shouldn’t be a huge deal that I want to keep it. I’m an only child and my dad doesn’t have brothers. I’m the last limb on my family tree and I refuse to drop my identity. I wouldn’t ask the man I marry to change his name. That’d be so weird! Plus, I hear the whole name-change process involves a lot of paperwork and I just don’t have time for that. Sorry! (But not really.)

4. I don’t want a registry.

Since when does getting married also involve your guests furnishing your home with an abundance of toasters and duvet covers? Registries seriously make me laugh. And then make me ‘grrrr’ with frustration. Oh, you want a set of coasters and some knives and a welcome mat and a $700 mirror that you can look in together and see how adorable of a couple you make? Eeek! Since when did marriage become so materialistic? I vow to never, ever have a registry. Luckily, more couples are choosing to request charitable donations over gifts which I think is absolutely awesome. Isn’t that a great way to start a life together? By choosing a cause you can both get behind and encouraging others to give back, it sets a super positive tone for not just the day, but for the rest of your married life. Yay!

5. I don’t want a conventional wedding or marriage ceremony.

Shocker, right? I’m weird, quirky and spontaneous and I want my wedding to reflect that. I think people often get too caught up with the wedding part that they forget the whole point of it is to celebrate a marriage. The flowers, the cake, the dress, the DJ vs band debate — all of it is madness! Remember to KISS! Keep it simple, stupid! Nobody likes a bridezilla anyway. Get married in a romper, standing in a field of daisies, with a random hitchhiker you picked up to be the witness! Be unconventional! It’s more memorable, less stressful, and probably way more fun.

Also, the idea of having an actual marriage ceremony in front of a group of onlookers, who are probably just counting down the minutes until the open bar (let’s be real), makes me want to run away, elope and have a [small!!!] celebration weeks later. I hate the idea of rushing from having just been married to immediately celebrating with everyone. It’s too much! We need to give ourselves time to reflect and really take in these special moments.

Of course, every person should have the wedding they want. If that’s a big bash, go for it. But the media tends to cultivate and highlight the flashy, extravagant, crazy engagements and weddings that people have and it’s not fair for these to become the normal expectations.

Let’s celebrate the different ways we do things and not all aspire to become carbon copies of everyone else!

Spread kindness and cheer, xo
Jackie