The Mystique of Missed Connections

Ever locked eyes with a handsome stranger in aisle 1,467 of Walmart as you reached for those Slipper Genie Dusting Slippers that you saw an infomercial for that one time as you sipped your rosé and laughed to your cat named Smittens, thinking, those are SO silly! but then you awoke to cold feet and a lackluster floor and, well, here you are. Wait, where are we? Ah, yes, the handsome stranger! Unbeknownst to you, mystery Joe over there is making a mental note of not only your velvet scrunchie and neon Skechers but also your seemingly pathological indecisiveness when it comes to choosing a color! He laughs to himself as you muse aloud, “Ooh, lavender might be nice. Calming, even. But I do LOVE green.”

Green it is. You grab the box, smile politely at Joe, – whoa, are his eyes BLUEGREEN?!?!? – and make your way back down the 1,467 aisles, among all the people of Walmart, to fork over the $10 that you were going to spend on another three bottles of wine but the slippers just seem more important right now. Your floor IS dirty.

And then there’s Joe. Ah, Joe. He’s moved on to aisle 837 (socks) and is now kicking himself that he didn’t say anything to the brunette in the cat-hair-covered sweats in aisle 1,467. In the 6.43 minutes you spent choosing slippers, Joe was cooking up one-liners as he mindlessly picked up and put down various items in the As Seen On TV aisle (aisle 1,467, to be exact).

Hmm, maybe a Bacon Wave would be nice, he ponders. Then, you make your lavender comment and Joe stifles a laugh. He’s thinking of something to say, something like, You know what’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper! Good God, Joe, could you BE any creepier?! He keeps his mouth shut, puts down the Bacon Wave, picks up a Quick Taco Baking Rack because why the hell not and, well, here we are.

Two people and a silly shared moment. Two people noticeably noticing one another, yet not sharing a word. In the olden days, perhaps a mail carrying pigeon would be sent by one in hopes of finding the other. But, alas, we live in the modern era – oh, joy! Oh, JOE. He can’t get the scrunchie-sweatpants gal out of his head.

THANK GOODNESS FOR CRAIGLIST MISSED CONNECTIONS.

Joe, 28, scurries home to let out grandpa – his dog, not his relative – and then sits down for a nice mindless scroll on the ol’ Insta, @yoitsjoe747. He has a new follower, @itsmefromcraigslist. (Oh, wait that’s ME. #shamelessplug) Huh, people still do this? Maybe I should…nah, that’d be WEIRD. Ah, what the hell. *chugs another beer* 

Joe types:

Subject: Walmart, Aisle 1,467, Anywheresville, USA

“To the brunette with the scrunchie – was that velvet?? – and neon Skechers picking out those silly “As Seen On TV” dusting slippers this afternoon. I didn’t need a TV to SEE you. I think I might be in love with you. I’ll give you a mess to clean up!

GOOD GOD, JOE, GET IT TOGETHER. 

I think you’re lovely and I was amused by your delight in picking out those slippers! I ended up buying some ridiculous taco shell maker thing myself. Perhaps we can have an As Seen On TV date! Fish tacos, anyone? Let’s taco bout it soon! Oh, by the way, I’m Joe!”

*uploads…aaaand it’s live. 

And wouldn’t you know it, our mystery brunette, Daria, 26, is a fellow weirdo who LOVES a good missed connection. In fact, it’s a bit of a nightly ritual for her to read through the posts from Anywheresville, USA. She’s just finished dancing/dusting around her studio apartment – Smittens looking on in HORROR – and she curls up with her laptop. And that’s when she sees it:

Walmart, Aisle 1,467, Anywheresville, USA” 

Daria is SHOOK, as they say. She reads the post, immediately recognizing herself in it. She laughs, it’s silly, but oh, good God, what the f–

Fish tacos, seriously?? Does this ass think he’s being FUNNY? 

RE: Subject: Walmart, Aisle 1,467, Anywheresville, USA

Are you serious, Joe? Fish tacos? Are you some kind of pervert who hangs out in aisle 1,467 just for funsies? I bet you’re the type who would make some sick joke like, “You know what’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper!” But you wouldn’t be talking about a SLIPPER, would you, Joe? I AM SO GLAD I MISSED OUT ON YOU. 

Well, we showed him Smittens.

A reply? Already? *clicks* oh my God, oh my God, I am an IDIOT. Fish tacos, I literally meant FISH like– oh BLOODY HELL. I do wish I were British so I could say that more often. UGH BUT WHY DIDN’T I JUST SAY CHICKEN. JEEEEZUSSSS. I KNEW I SHOULD’VE WENT WITH THE BACON WAVE. 


Or, Joe could’ve just said something in-person?! Gah, I’m endlessly amused and fascinated by the Missed Connection section on Craigslist. In fact, yes, I recently made an Instagram dedicated to these poetic posts. It’s as sad as it is heartwarming– all of these lost souls, exchanging sweet smiles and small talk at gas stations, bodegas, and dog parks around the world (JK, we’re all just looking at the doggos and puppers there). I’m a weirdo; equal parts cynic, equal parts romantic. I mean, I married my first fucking boyfriend because HOW ROMANTIC but in retrospect, so silly omg (it didn’t work out, most marriages don’t – THE CYNIC IS BACK YAY). ANYWAY… I used to dream of the person who’d finally fall madly in love with me and how it could literally be anyone and I’d walk around thinking, could it be him? That guy stocking shelves in Trader Joe’s! He was humming…a JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE song?!?!? Señorita?!!?! And he smiled at me! And omg I’ll never see him again but WHAT IF IT’S HIM AND IT’S MEANT TO BE. *posts a note on Craigslist* JK, never did that, but I LOVE the people who do. And SURE there are creepers like fictitious Joe out there, well OK, maybe he actually wasn’t being gross but Daria will never know what really lies behind those blue-green eyes, will she?! But there’s something weirdly romantic about someone taking the time to write something out, to try and get your attention, to say “hey! I noticed you! did you notice me noticing you? will you notice me back?” When I worked in NYC, I thought about this OFTEN, like WAY too often, as I rode Metro-North to and from Grand Central every day. What if, instead of a quiet car we had a social car?! These are things I’d think about. ALL THE TIME. And I still do, tbh. As introverted as I am, I wish folks were more social and less weird about, well, being weird. But, I guess it IS easier when alcohol is involved. C’est la vie. In closing, (lol am I writing a fucking dissertation? idk), here are some curated Craigslist Missed Connections for ya – a lot of y’all are missing each other at various marts of Wal, FYI.


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From Hawaii to North Dakota, folks are just trying to find love at their local Walmart. Follow @itsmefromcraigslist for alllll missed connections, not just Walmart.

Spread kindness and cheer, xo
Jackie

23 Years: A Libra’s Review

23 Years: A Libra’s Review

Ahh September. Crisp fall air, crunchy leaves and a socially acceptable time to start drinking hot chocolate (even though we all know I drink that liquid heaven year round). The ninth month of the year has always marked new beginnings for me. A time for reflection and renewal. Not to mention it’s the month of my birth sooo that may have something to do with it. Google even acknowledges their my birthday every year; it’s fantastic.

I’m mere days away from turning 24 and I’ve been thinking tons about what I’ve done in my 23rd year on this spinning globe of crazy. Join me on this trip down memory lane…

September 27, 2014 – midnight. I had just turned 23. I also happened to be at work at ABC News in NYC.

I used my 23rd birthday to raise nearly $2500 for one of my favorite charities, charity: water, and was invited to their yearly gala event where I met so many inspiring, philanthropic folks.

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(I’m currently running a campaign for this year too! Please join in and donate to bring clean water to folks who really need it!  CLICK HERE!)

At the time, I was living on the Upper West Side.

I frequented the Silver Moon Bakery where they make the absolute best chocolate brioche. NOM.

I saw Mariah Carey’s Christmas show at the Beacon Theater. And then I saw JT at MSG in Feb.

Love love love them both.

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By the beginning of 2015 I was working at NBC. I moved back home. I left NBC in March.

I MET ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY COHEN AT AN EVENT IN BOSTON!!

I grabbed some temp work here and there…

…And then I booked a one way ticket to California…on a whim…which turned out to be one of the BEST decisions I’ve ever made in my LIFE.

I’ve written about my travels, but it’s worth noting again how amazing that adventure really was.

I met tons of incredible people and even got to circle back with a few who ventured to NY after I was back!

Since getting back to NY, I’ve worked some temp jobs in an attempt to build my bank account back up.

But I still made time for other adventures, like hanging in the nation’s capital for a long weekend, trying kangaroo and randomly learning ukulele in Astoria…

I just got my first tattoo (!!!) by a very talented friend of mine. Click here to see more of Heather’s other amazing work!

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WOW. This year has definitely been jam packed.

 Despite all the times I felt lost and unsure of what the hell I was doing with my life in these last twelve months, it’s nice to look back and see all that I’ve done. I decided to take chances and live outside the confines of what our society deems ‘the norm.’

I can reflect on my 23rd year with such happiness in all of these amazing memories.

Cheers to all that 24 brings!

Spread kindness and cheer, xo
Jackie

Why I Quit my Job in Broadcast and Booked a One Way Ticket to California

Why I Quit my Job in Broadcast and Booked a One Way Ticket to California

When we’re young we’re told we can be anything we want to be and the sky is the limit. But as we try and determine our interests, collect our diplomas and “grow up,” we’re incessantly pressed to make decisions which will carve out the path to the rest of our lives. Looking back at my 17-year-old self, I thought I knew for sure who I wanted to be going into college; a broadcast news reporter, traveling the world to inform and engage others on behalf of a major network like ABC or CNN. With passion and excitement, I did everything right. Earned [somewhat] straight A’s (remember that time I got a 23/100 on a stats exam? lolz), landed a dream internship in NYC during college and secured a job at a national news network in NYC less than six months after graduating Magna Cum Laude.

And then everything fell a p a r t . . .

The hours, the commuting, the move to the city, paying rent, buying food, dealing with [rude] co-workers, being sleep-deprived and the impending feeling of doom.

I couldn’t complain though. I was living the DREAM, right? Working alongside network news anchors, living on the Upper West Side and gallivanting throughout the city that never sleeps was my daily life. It’s a wonderful feeling to have that light-bulb moment when you know you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing; but it’s crushing when that light-bulb explodes into a million pieces of insecurities, uncertainties and a sinking feeling that you’re nowhere near where you want to be. 

I realized the only thing holding me back was everyone else’s expectations of who I would be. Jackie the Journalist. Rapetti the Reporter. (And any other alliteration you can dream up.) But when you’re taking ‘sick’ days because you’re sick of your co-workers, that’s a pretty good sign things aren’t so super duper. Now that I’ve expressed my disinterest in broadcast journalism for all the fear-mongering and exaggerated reporting I’ve experienced (not to mention working in a newsroom is about as glamorous as babysitting a bunch of toddlers), everyone keeps asking me what I’d like to do next. But the truth is I have no idea. And then I have a million ideas. A pilot! A chef! An archaeologist! A wildlife photographer! How does anyone decide on just one path?

My mom, who at my age was already married and had me, believes I should have a jump-start on a career by now and be well on my way to moving out of the room I’ve spent most of my 23 years in. She thinks I’m too old to be so wishy-washy about my future. And then there’s my hil-ar-ious dad on the other end of the spectrum who recently said he believes 23 is the new 16.

While I’d like to think I’ve grown somewhat since 16, I still believe I can be anything and everything I want to be even if I don’t know what that means yet. This isn’t me complaining about having to pay bills and do so-called grown-up things (OK, it kind of is…), but I’ve never believed in following social norms. Society says I should have this and do that but, as the Brits say, that’s bollocks. I’m still learning and growing and living on my own terms. I’ve worked hard and saved some money. Sure, I could find some random job, put the money I have towards rent and move out. Instead I’ve booked a ticket, packed some coloring books (for the undying kid in me… plus it’s a great way to pass time on a plane!) and am off to California. And I could not be happier.

Spread kindness and cheer, xo
Jackie

P.s. If you have any West Coast food recommendations, HOLLER AT ME!